A first date. First kiss. First marriage. First child. As a woman, I lived for the firsts. Dreamed of the firsts. Planned the firsts. And now I’m sitting here writing this as a second wife. My belief in the importance of these firsts dictated the beginning of my marriage and the many fights that ensued. The fights came because I “missed” many firsts with my husband. The green-eyed monster reared its ugly head.
It was HIS second wedding, I, his second wife, could potentially be mother of his second child, etc . . . My mind kept going to all the “seconds” I would have with him. How many firsts he did without me. I was blinded by the notion that I was “second.” I could not see passed my own wants to notice all that I was missing.
I know, many will judge, or say “you knew what you were getting into.” And they would be right. Well, mostly right. I did know I was dating someone with a past. I had a past. It was a few months before my 30th birthday that we had our first date. I just wasn’t prepared for the feelings that accompanied what I always thought my “dream” was. Until my husband, I had never dated anyone that had been married and I had sworn off dating guys with kids after a bad experience (not a story worth retelling). Everything that came with dating a divorced man with a child was new to me. It was an awakening to all the feelings that came with it.
This is where “knowing what you are getting into” and actually knowing how you would feel when situations arise are completely different. You cannot predict how you will react in a situation. You can know what you are walking into, but the feelings, man they hit you and knock you down. I remember thinking, “I can handle it” or “It won’t be so bad” or “It will be bother me, but it will be fine.” And then . . . life would happen and jealousy, bitterness, and frustration would hit.
So why am I still married if it’s so bad? Because it’s actually wonderful. It took a few years of bumps and bruises to navigate, but that storm has passed and we made it. If I had given up on us, I wouldn’t have experienced all the FIRSTS we have shared. We began pointing them out years ago. My incredible hubby knew how much the “firsts” meant to me and he began to notice and point out every time we had one. Our first house, first honeymoon, new travel destinations are cherished by the both of us. We even began counting his “firsts” he had with me, even if it wasn’t a “first” for me. Small things like his first concert, first time having sushi, and first time out of the country felt special to me because I was experiencing those things with him.
I’m so glad I did not ruin everything in the beginning. The “dream” that you planned for your future may not come to pass. Don’t sell yourself short by ignoring the wonderful things that are happening around you or let the green-eyed monster dictate your life. We can’t always plan our future, so enjoy the ride.
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Tori Alvarez is a mom, wife, high school educator, and indie author of Naive in Love. This is her debut novel which can be found exclusively on Amazon and in Kindle Unlimited. You can follow her adventures in life on Instagram or Facebook @mstorialvarez.
