I have been small my whole life. And I’m speaking both literally and figuratively, but today I’m really discussing how I feel small figuratively. To me, ‘being small’ is synonymous with being an introvert. I am a natural introvert. A few of my characteristics are always second guessing what I say in conversations, horrible at small talk, loving alone time with a good book or a good show, and being uncomfortable in new situations or around new people. I go about my days not making waves, enjoying staying behind the scenes. This is me. Has always been me. Any other introverts out there feel this way too?
Why am I bringing this up now if it’s all I’ve known? Because I want to change. I watch extroverts with their big personalities and I want to learn how to be as confident as them, or as confident as they seem to be. I don’t crave the attention, in fact — it terrifies me to have the attention, but with my new endeavor I need to be able to shine.
I am learning if you want to be a writer you need to promote yourself, which in turn means you need to put yourself out there. I need people to look my way. Being small will no longer work for me, but how do you reprogram your inherent personality? This is the question I have been posing to myself.
I am drawn to the extroverts. Some of my best friends have “bigger than life” personalities. I’m envious of the ease in which they can work a room and talk freely. They seem to have no trouble talking about themselves, plans, or projects. Always exuding a confidence in themselves and what they are doing. I know this could all be a façade, but to me, it seems genuine. I watch outgoing people with amazement. I’m in awe and wondering how I can do that too?
A few weekends ago was the perfect example of me cocooning myself. I was at a bridal shower and one of my cousins introduced me to her friend and mentioned that I was writing and had just self-published my first novel. I said “hello,” smiled awkwardly, and changed the conversation. My sister later mentioned the interaction and told me I looked uncomfortable when my cousin brought up my new dream. Why not sit proudly and enjoy the praise? Because I just wasn’t made that way.
So now I begin practicing doing things that are uncomfortable. I can’t stay in the same place my whole life, especially if I dream of more. No one should stay in the same place. The world has so much to offer.
My only limit is me.
“You, and only you, are ultimately responsible for who you become and how happy you are.”
― Rachel Hollis
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Tori Alvarez is a mom, wife, high school educator, and indie author of Naive in Love. This is her debut novel which can be found exclusively on Amazon and in Kindle Unlimited. You can follow her adventures in life on Instagram or Facebook @mstorialvarez.
